Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Why I waited until now...

For all of you eagerly awaiting my first entry (all 2 of you), here we go...

There have been many moments along the way in this process that have caused me to stop and silently ask the Lord if He knows what he is doing by giving Kelli and I a child. Obvious question number one out of the way... but as I sit here tonight as Kelli is at Bible study I am counting my blessings and am realizing that I have been waiting to be a dad for a long time. Now, I understand we've only been married for a year and a half, but this journey started a long time ago in my heart. I can't really explain its origin, nor have I tried to figure it out (one of the only things in my life that I HAVEN'T overthought:) but I know it to be true. And no, its not just to populate the earth with as many Red Sox fans as possible! It is profoundly deeper than that, hidden somewhere inside and I am awaiting the journey of discovering what has led me down this road. I rest wholly upon the Lord for His perfect timing with my life and when I actually stop and take the time to truly apprreciate all he has given, His Son being the first and foremost thing, I am brought to tears. And any of you who know me should not be surprised at this... (see Wedding video of the beautiful bride and the blubbering groom!) I could not have picked a more wonderful, loving, and sensitive wife. I have had the pleasure of watching her live this pregnancy with joy and fear, excitement and apprehension, but at the utmost, an indescribable love for little Toby or Addy already. I have almost distanced myself a little bit from some things so far and I can't really explain why. Maybe things will go quicker if I am not so eagerly awaiting his/her arrival. But then last night happened. It was a very small thing, but it meant the world to me.

Kelli and I have been reading a blog written by her friend Matt Mooney and his wife, Ginny. They recently had their first child, Elliot, who was born with the birth defect Trisomy 18. Without going into too much detail, this has been both extremely encouraging and often times a challenging read. In all of their entries, there is a palpable joy that I will not attempt to describe. But it was with Kelli reading it to me last night, sharing about little Elliot's clenched fists that I began to cry. They weren't tears of sadness but ones of incredible joy. Ones that you don't really care if they ever stop falling. It was right then that the Lord said to me"its ok to love little Toby or Addy now, you don't have to wait" and I just pictured the baby on my chest as I was laying on the couch and absoluetly nothing else mattered right then. Not what we registered for, what kind of diapers we are going to use, should I coach again in the spring, is our house going to be too small quickly, any and all of it didn't matter.

This may seem simple but, I am a sinful man, given the blessing of a Savior from a God who knows me and loves me, given His Spirit to lead me and guide me, given a loving wife who certainly spends more time praying for me than I for her, given family and friends to laugh and cry with, and a little dog who makes me smile at the drop of a hat (yes Kel, Max had to make the blog!). To add the next blessing of Toby or Addy, is at times overwhelming.

Parents, go kiss your kids, hug them and tell them not only that you love them but why, and thank the Lord for the blessings you have been given. And for those of you who read this and don't believe in The Lord or God in any form, that's o.k., to quote one our (Kelli and I) favorite movies...

As the priest is dying in The Count of Monte Cristo, he and Edmand had this exchange...

Priest :"Do not commit the crime for which you know, for God said vengence is mine"

Edmand : "I don't believe in God."

Priest: "It doesn't matter, he believes in you."

Thank you for taking the time out of your day and reading this and thank you for sharing our joy with us.


To Blossom

Since becoming pregnant I have been intrigued by a word I tend to hear much more often..."blossom"
This word, in our english language, can have many meanings such as:
1. the state of flowering: The apple tree is in blossom.
2. to flourish; develop: a writer of commercial jingles who blossomed out into an important composer.
3. Blossom can be a female given name. Or as Joe likes to remember, a bad 80's TV show.
And then there is my favorite:
4. A period or condition of maximum development. (the state in which I will remain for the next 3 months)

To a pregnant woman...or maybe I should speak for myself, when I hear someone refer to me as having "blossomed" I hear them say, "Crap, you are huge!" "How many babies are in there?" "You're only how far along?" "Are you sure you are going to make it to Christmas?"

At this point I have to pause to remind myself that I am 5'3" and there is only so much room for a baby to grow. I will spend the rest of this pregnancy laughing at my size and being exited by it. The baby is healthly, and growing and moving all the time. Labor may be difficult, but the result is going to be life changing!

I am trying to a picture of myself for all of you who don't live is the STL to see just how much I have "blossomed," but I am having a little trouble. I will keep working on it and we'll pray that pictures will be soon to follow.