Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Why I waited until now...

For all of you eagerly awaiting my first entry (all 2 of you), here we go...

There have been many moments along the way in this process that have caused me to stop and silently ask the Lord if He knows what he is doing by giving Kelli and I a child. Obvious question number one out of the way... but as I sit here tonight as Kelli is at Bible study I am counting my blessings and am realizing that I have been waiting to be a dad for a long time. Now, I understand we've only been married for a year and a half, but this journey started a long time ago in my heart. I can't really explain its origin, nor have I tried to figure it out (one of the only things in my life that I HAVEN'T overthought:) but I know it to be true. And no, its not just to populate the earth with as many Red Sox fans as possible! It is profoundly deeper than that, hidden somewhere inside and I am awaiting the journey of discovering what has led me down this road. I rest wholly upon the Lord for His perfect timing with my life and when I actually stop and take the time to truly apprreciate all he has given, His Son being the first and foremost thing, I am brought to tears. And any of you who know me should not be surprised at this... (see Wedding video of the beautiful bride and the blubbering groom!) I could not have picked a more wonderful, loving, and sensitive wife. I have had the pleasure of watching her live this pregnancy with joy and fear, excitement and apprehension, but at the utmost, an indescribable love for little Toby or Addy already. I have almost distanced myself a little bit from some things so far and I can't really explain why. Maybe things will go quicker if I am not so eagerly awaiting his/her arrival. But then last night happened. It was a very small thing, but it meant the world to me.

Kelli and I have been reading a blog written by her friend Matt Mooney and his wife, Ginny. They recently had their first child, Elliot, who was born with the birth defect Trisomy 18. Without going into too much detail, this has been both extremely encouraging and often times a challenging read. In all of their entries, there is a palpable joy that I will not attempt to describe. But it was with Kelli reading it to me last night, sharing about little Elliot's clenched fists that I began to cry. They weren't tears of sadness but ones of incredible joy. Ones that you don't really care if they ever stop falling. It was right then that the Lord said to me"its ok to love little Toby or Addy now, you don't have to wait" and I just pictured the baby on my chest as I was laying on the couch and absoluetly nothing else mattered right then. Not what we registered for, what kind of diapers we are going to use, should I coach again in the spring, is our house going to be too small quickly, any and all of it didn't matter.

This may seem simple but, I am a sinful man, given the blessing of a Savior from a God who knows me and loves me, given His Spirit to lead me and guide me, given a loving wife who certainly spends more time praying for me than I for her, given family and friends to laugh and cry with, and a little dog who makes me smile at the drop of a hat (yes Kel, Max had to make the blog!). To add the next blessing of Toby or Addy, is at times overwhelming.

Parents, go kiss your kids, hug them and tell them not only that you love them but why, and thank the Lord for the blessings you have been given. And for those of you who read this and don't believe in The Lord or God in any form, that's o.k., to quote one our (Kelli and I) favorite movies...

As the priest is dying in The Count of Monte Cristo, he and Edmand had this exchange...

Priest :"Do not commit the crime for which you know, for God said vengence is mine"

Edmand : "I don't believe in God."

Priest: "It doesn't matter, he believes in you."

Thank you for taking the time out of your day and reading this and thank you for sharing our joy with us.



Anonymous said...

Oh Dear Precious Joe,
I have tears streaming down my face as I read what was in your heart. Parenthood is the most incrediable journey that God can ever take you on.
When you wrote about......"is our house big enough" it made me think about us as we raised our 3 precious babies. When we had our first 2 we only had a one bedroom apartment and we were all 4 in one room, and it's funny, I never thought much about it. Then when we moved to your first house, all 3 kids were in one bedroom and us in the other. Once again I never thought much about it. Because it really didn't matter except that they were happy and loved and content. And now when a special time rolls around and they are all home at once, we find them all sleeping together again in one room, clinging onto memories and cherishing there love for eachother. You're right "it didn't matter", the only thing that mattered was they were loved beyond any love you could ever describe.
The Lord had a purpose in making us wait for 9 months, and it's so exciting to watch how He prepares both the body and soul of a new Mommy and Daddy. Let Him do His thing!!
By the way.........after I read your message, no one was here except Lucy (the dog) so I went and hugged her!!
I love you both,